Healthy boundaries in dating

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Listening and hearing what someone is genuinely expressing are two different things. Allow that person to speak and then repeat back what you think has been said. Recharge Relationships suggests several questions you can use as an exercise for understanding someone that you are in A relationship with.

A basic starting point for expressing your boundaries and expectations successfully is active listening. Practice asking each question and then answering each question; I expect you to..., I do not agree with your expectations because....

After the above exercise, describe how you would like your needs to be met to the other person.

“Good fences make good neighbors”-Robert Frost What exactly is a boundary, when it comes to relationships?

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.

Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

The game changes when two people are romantically involved or "semi-involved" (a fascinating phrase I recently heard). Before you start throwing things at your computer, let's go to Scripture.

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But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us.

So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.

As you have different expectations than, for example -- your spouse, clarifying expectations are an important part of any relationship.

In order to clarify and resolve issues regarding boundaries and expectations, you must first recognize that a problem exists, be willing to address the problem, be responsible for your part in the problem, be willing to acknowledge any consequences of your actions, and hold the perspective that it is worth your while to do so, according to Recharge Relationships. If yes, switch and have the speaker become the listener.

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